Attitude

One of the things I believe in with all of my heart is the power of Positive Attitude. I’ve gone through my life much the same way as any normal, excessively blessed middle class American would do it. That is, with very little trial or tribulation but with the fairly routine pains of life that a girl goes through as the teenage years progress toward the twenties and eventually into marriage and motherhood. I have seen what I feel is sadness as well as joy and I believe that my life has been full of gifts.

Whenever something particularly hard comes into my path, my natural reaction is to focus completely on the positive aspects. This has annoyed several people over the years and I’ve had a couple of friends tell me so in fairly blunt terms. Fortunately, it works for me. Today I have again seen the power of positive attitude … and the raw emotion of my life.

I got Annalise up early this morning so that John could take her to school. When I explained that he was going to take her to school, she realized that it meant she would have to forgo her “snuggle and kid show” routine in order to be able to leave on time. Might I say that this was not an ideal situation for her? I went through a couple of reasons with her for why she could handle it and I came to “Daddy is going to Florida soon and he won’t be able to take you to school so you should enjoy your morning with him today.” She asked the next logical question, but I was not prepared to deal with it. My “Positive Attitude” had morphed completely into denial and I had not dealt yet with the fact that I am just plain sad that John will be going to Florida. Soon.

Annalise’s question was “How many days until Daddy goes to Florida?” I had to think, and the number of days was shockingly small. I hated the reality and it hurt to have to say it. I never WANT to feel sad when he goes because I am surrounded by military families every day who are braver than me and who endure much harder realities than I do. This morning, everyone else’s situation stopped mattering to me for a bit and I felt sad. I was sad for myself and I was sad for my kids.

So, when everyone left, I cried. That’s what I do…

And now, I am again reminded of the Power of My Positive Attitude. Although it may be a form of denial for me, the attitude makes me focus on the good and helps me avoid dwelling in the bad. I feel like it’s important to make the most of every day and I feel like it is easy to get wound up in what you don’t have or what might be going wrong. That’s a dangerous cycle if you ask me and I have always enjoyed looking out at what I can be proud of.

In summary, John is leaving. I’m sad. It’s crap. I need to figure out how to deal with my sad days in order to create the best environment I can for my kids because that’s my most important job today. The reality is, John is an incredible husband and he is my best friend. He’s a tremendous Dad and we’re so fortunate to be feeling sadness right now. This military life we have chosen reminds us every day about the great things we DO have and it reminds us to always appreciate the days as they come.

People are starting to ask me questions like "How are you doing?" and "How do you do it?" My answer will probably annoy them because I'm going to say that I'm lucky to have something like this in my life to remind me of how much I love John, how lucky I am to be his wife, and how lucky I am to have had the kind of year with him that many take for granted.

And if all of that doesn't help, Justin's got a good answer too. Sledge Hammers!!!! ... I'm going to have to get creative this time because we don't have a bedroom closet to destroy...