Michigan 2010

Dad helping the kids gather eggs. I was never very good at this chore because the chickens were grouchy when I tried to steal their eggs. Tradition follows as you see Annalise quietly retreating, hoping not to be noticed.

Here is Dad explaining to Justin that Dad's Dad wore this army jacket. Justin patiently listened to the story, but the real excitement came when I let him try it on and wear it for a while once we got home.

Here is my Brother, the most patient person I have ever known, teaching my kids how to play his guitars. They rocked out and he never worried when the strings were pulled, the necks were stepped on, or when they ran through the house trailing the microphone cord screaming (singing) at the top of their lungs!

Justin collecting icicles at Uncle Seth's House

Carrie (and Brooklyn), Autumn (and Emalie), Lisa (and Annalise). Photography credit goes to Justin. No, I did not get dressed up for the event.

Sarah, Abby, Lisa, Seth, Maggie - All Grown Up!

Dingerson and Higbee Grandchildren - Left to Right

Charlie (Abby and Josh); Claire (Maggie and Jim); Emma and Jack (Sarah and Jeff); Ellie (Maggie and Jim); Annalise and Justin (Lisa and John)

A WEEK IN MICHIGAN

My kids cause their fair share of trouble around our house and I often wonder, "What on EARTH makes them think they can get away with that???" I blame the trouble on the fact that they are genetically linked to their father, "Little Johnny," who had a screaming place under the desk as a child and was known many times over as the little terror to his cousins. I can see why John was given the burden of these angels of ours, but what did I ever do???

I was reminded during my week in Michigan that, yes, I caused my fair share of trouble as I was growing up. In perspective, it hardly seems like a problem when you're a child that you would stay up half the night playing games with your friends when you were supposed to be sleeping, drop hay bails down the shoot (directly into the pens) when you weren't supposed to, or even purposely tip a canoe in the river. And really? How much trouble can it honestly be to get into paint wars with your best friend when you're supposed to be painting bleachers or trash cans instead? These are the types of antics that I would kill my children over today, but I think it's time for me to admit that I may have been there once or twice myself. Yes, Justin and Annalise, this is now in writing (and once it's on the internet, it never goes away!) that your Mom was also a bit of a terror so I can understand your need to test the limits as well.

While I was in Michigan, I got to spend a quiet day with Autumn, Carrie, and Amber. During my summers with them as a child, we got into more trouble than I care to remember but it was always the somewhat silly and harmless kind of trouble. We mostly spent hours playing in the pool or riding around in the back of a truck pretending to be cleaning up the fairgrounds because we knew that if we acted helpless enough, the boys would do it anyway. The most important thing we did was to grow up together, explore the idea of becoming a teenager together, and eventually slide painfully into adulthood. I thought of these times on my last day in Michigan when Autumn drove all the way to Hastings to spend the morning at the McDonald's playground with me so that we could sit, drink coffee, and catch up a little bit more before I left. Our troubles are different these days, but the idea is still the same. Two friends talking out the challenges of growing up and finding our place in the world. I looked at her and realized that I have been friends with her since I was 8 years old and if anyone in this world knows my ups and downs, it would most certainly be someone who has known you that long.

Another evening was spent at Ron and Julie's house. This is a place where I spent many, many summer days playing with the girls. As I walked through the house, I could remember very plainly how the green couch used to be in the dining room and I could almost hear Crystal Gayle on the record player while we ate orange sherbert, dressed in our jammies, at the little brown table by the playroom. Outside, covered in way too much snow for my taste, was the hill where we would do summersault contests and I remember when, instead of a driveway, there was a basketball court and a playhouse. This is a house where I learned about God, about friends, about being a big sister to my little brother, and where I learned about keeping your values no matter what comes your way. It was very fun to sit at the table and eat with everyone's kids running around (like we used to do) and to see our Dads (now Grandpas) sit in their chairs at the head of the room and make an attempt to control the chaos.

After this week spent with childhood friends, I have renewed faith that while my kids will cause trouble (and plenty of it), and while I deal with tantrums of epic proportions from my daughter ("Sassypants" has taken over since John's been gone), I have to keep the perspective that they are good kids who are finding their way and who will eventually grow into adults that I know I will be proud of.

The "How To" Story

Justin's class is working on writing a "How To" this week and I was in his classroom yesterday helping with the two kids I often work with. The task is to write a "How To" story using several steps that are connected by words like "First", "Next", and "Finally" with the objective being to help them understand steps and order. Justin wrote "How To Make a Pizza" and I laughed when he read it because Mrs. Dufour thought he had made a mistake when he explained that you have to put it in the oven twice. Nope! He meant to do it. "My Dad says to do it twice. First you have to get the crust nice and brown then you have to melt the cheese." Oh brother!

I was working with one of the kids who wanted to write "How To Make a Cheeseburger." He did wonderfully with the first few steps, using words and pictures to explain the ingredients and directions for putting the burger on the grill while properly melting the cheese. He got stumped on the last step (which is "Finally, we eat!") and he asked me, "Do you think I should draw my Dad in the picture?" (His Dad is in the National Guard and he's currently in Cuba).

The conversation went like this:

Me: "Well, that's a tough one. Is your Dad a part of your family?"
Him: "Yes, but he's in Cuba for a long time and we have to eat without him."
Me: "Do you think your Dad misses eating hamburgers with you?"
Him: "I'm not sure. He probably eats them in Cuba"
Me: "Does he have a seat at your table?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Do you like it when he's home to eat burgers with you?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Do you want to put him in your picture?"
Him: "Yes. And guess what! We're going to see him..." (a long and involved story follows about the vacation they are planning to take to Cuba)

He drew his whole family sitting at the table eating hamburgers and I feel very good about the exchange. I believe, as you know, that we are given opportunities in life for a reason and this was mine. I hope that I was able to use the knowledge and life experience I have to help a military child understand his part of the whole operation and give him peace that, while it's sometimes confusing, your Dad is still your Dad.

Football Banquet

Tonight was the football banquet for the Portsmouth Patriots - Justin finally holds the coveted red players sweatshirt! You can't buy one with money...you have to earn it with your blood, sweat and tears!!! He looks GOOD in it! I'm so proud of him!!!!!

The banquet itself was interesting because they took all of the players from us and had them sit at a table with their teammates. Read: No parent supervision! They had so much fun! I'm the kind of parent that likes to see her kid have a good time and that's certainly what happened tonight. Justin sat next to Nathaniel and every time I spied on them, they were having a ball! These two boys are cut from the same cloth and it shows in everything they do. They are both too smart for their own good, they both have loving hearts and kindness in their eyes, they both manage to find trouble wherever they go, and they both have a spirit that I only wish I had. Neither of them ever quit ...

... They had a speaker tonight (honestly he was very boring), and I wish I could remember his name because he is a previous Patriot player (from the 60's), who ended with this message: "It doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down...get up and try again!" That's Justin and Nathaniel.

After all of the awards and recognitions were done (they went on for FOREVER!), they opened the dance floor. It was total mayhem! All of the kids were out there (many dressed in their new sweatshirts) dancing their tails off. There was no rhyme, no reason, no boundaries, and certainly no control. It was, simply, a kids' dream! Justin had no interest in staying close enough to me to be videotaped or photographed but I got one of him running away. Annalise and Regan stayed close to us but were very pleased to have the freedom to be doing their own thing. They danced to the music for a while and eventually some Moms came out for a line dance. Both of our girls joined in and really held their own!

I have long held the fear that I have pushed football on Justin because I love it so much. It's easy for a parent to do this and I hope I don't fall into the trap. I was sitting next to one of Justin's coaches and I took the opportunity to ask him what he thought of the matter. He answered without a moment's hesitation that this is most certainly not the case. He said that Justin was one of the happiest players out on the field. I hope he'll play for a while and that he'll continue to love it - I feel as though it gives him an identity and a place to fit in wherever he goes.

Good-Bye Daddy!!!

Finishing up the "Honey Do" List because he's awesome!

Cake for Breakfast

The kids asked John to open the presents they made him - I thought we were going to bury them for him to find when he unpacked but I was corrected!

One last picture - the sun was shining

in their eyes but they gave it a good effort.

You know, it's always a somewhat odd feeling to send John packing. The month or so leading up to the actual Good Bye is hard, but the event itself is kind of underwhelming. You would think that when your husband goes, you should feel compelled to grab on to him and dramatically beg him not to leave before retreating to a dark corner where you spend hours sobbing in misery. Really? It's not that cool.

I remember in 2002 when (Baby) Justin and I stood on the pier 5 feet from John, who was standing on the deck of the USS Thach, waiting for the ship to leave and take him to his first deployment. It was ridiculous! We stared at him and he stared at us, both of us searching for something to say. I felt bad because I wanted the ship to leave but I knew I wanted him to stay. Finally one of the smarter wives (Wendy) says to me, "This is pathetic. I'm leaving." She was right! Who needs to sit around crying when it's really a whole lot easier to rip the bandaid off and get back to life? While it sounds a little bit callous, it's true. It's a great tactic to help you realize that life does go on and that if you have a strong foundation in your life/marriage, you'll be fine! There's a sense of pride and confidence you find when you have the strength to turn your back and walk away instead of standing there waiting to be left.

So, that's about how this morning went. We all got up and watched John pack the last few things, strap his bike to the back of the car, and organize his 50 million pieces of electronics that he simply insists he needs to live his daily life. We got the kids up and had cake for breakfast (because John felt the desire to be the cool parent while I lectured about silly things like, oh, vitamins and nutrition). Other than that, we had a perfectly normal morning. I was fighting tears while he hugged the kids and he, as always, did a great job of laughing and playing with them. He is a wonderful father and it shows in every interaction he has with them. We went to the car and the kids insisted that he open their "presents" so he did that with them. He hugged me extra hard - I cried - and then he got into his car. We stood at the front door and waited for him to drive away like we always do when someone leaves...but that dumb navigation system was getting the best of him and I could not believe how long it was taking him to get settled into the car!!!

After a few minutes, I had a flashback to the time when I was standing on that pier in San Diego and decided, "This is pathetic!" I went into the house, got the keys, and put our kids in the Suburban so that we could go somewhere. We all waved at Daddy and then drove to Dunkin Doughnuts for a coffee (the kids drink decaf - I promise) . We drove over the Mount Hope Bridge and looked at the water because I wanted to give him enough time to finally get that navigation system set.

When we got home, John was gone and we went about our day. John left me the sweetest card in the world and Justin was the one who delivered that to me. That made him feel very cool and I could see the pride in his eyes as he completed his mission and helped his Mom feel better. Annalise was very aware that something was going on (she would say, "I'm sad because Dad is going to Florida") but she had a hard time understanding exactly what that meant. She and I looked at the calendar and she was able to grasp this: "We are going to Michigan for one week, you will go to ballet one time afer that, and then we will go to Florida and see Dad at Nana's house." She's repeated that schedule to anyone who will listen, so I think that helps her with the whole idea.

I'm writing this about 2 weeks after John left, and as you will see by my later posts, I think we're managing fine. We've kept busy and made sure that we remember he loves us. We talk about him every day and we know that our family is never complete without him, but we also know that we're fine while he's gone. I'm so proud of my kids and I smile because they will be able to look back and remember how brave they have been as they do their part to serve our country.

Good Bye Von Bergens!

The kids in the snow (Really...slush...).

My favorite "Flying Dolby" trick

John and Charlie with the kids

Seriously?!? How cute can a kid get! (This is Zane).

Last Wednesday (Feb 10), we went to hang out with Polly and Charlie one last time. It was the day of the big snowstorm, school was closed, and our kids were bouncing off the walls looking for something to do. Polly had invited us down to the Residence Inn for some swimming and I was looking forward to it. OK, so, I was excited about all of it...except for the part about having to wear a swimsuit!

Zane and Zachary spent part of the day with us while Polly and Charlie packed up the house and I hated to have to take them to the hotel. In our year here, we have fallen completely in love with both of these boys and it was hard to look at them and realize that they were moving away from us. Zachary, while outwardly confident and sure of himself, has a soft side that allows me to steal hugs whenever I ask for them. He'll run screaming through the house full of energy and then suddenly stop, ask me a tough question about life, and run back out with the boys. Zane is a kid that you can't help but love because he's so dang cute. He'll run through the house yelling "Me. Rex!" with his little chest puffed up, but suddenly he'll stop and have what I call "kid moment" whenever he needs a drink or snack from me. It's a quick moment, but he'll let me love on him and he'll act like a sweet baby for just a minute before heading out to conquer the galaxy and whip the older brothers into shape.

After a day at our house that included screaming, fighting, friendship and total torture between the kids, we headed to the hotel. The roads were terrible, the almighty Suburban had a close encounter with a snowplow, and we decided when we got there that getting "snowed in" wasn't a bad idea at all. The Dolbys got a room across the hall from the VonBergens and we all hit the pool! The Dads threw the kids into the air, Annalise spent the evening looking cute in her pink swimsuit, and the adults hung out in the hot tub like nothing was different than usual. I was comforted by the casual way it all went down because it made me realize that while geography sometimes gets in the way of convenience...once you have a friend it doesn't really matter.

The next morning, Polly admits to "stalking us" (try 4 messages and a CD under our door) but I admit to sleeping in because it seemed better than facing the day. I was very sad to see this family head out but I knew I had to keep a brave face because leaving was the best thing for them. To want them to stay would have been selfish - tempting - but very childish and counterproductive. They are good friends and I'm thankful to have enjoyed their friendship for a year, but it was time for them to take the next step. While it was hard to know that I was being left, I had to remember how much I love Portsmouth and be thankful for the opportunity I have to spend a little bit more time here. After some quick hugs, the boys went to school and the adults went about their lives. Charlie and Polly packed up the rest of their house and I went to work.

At the end of the day, it was all kind of a non-event. I have learned that anticipation is much harder than the event. They are gone and life is still just as good for us here in Portsmouth. I still have a friend. I'm anxious to hang out again in person...maybe they'll finally get around to meeting us in the Caribbean for a "real" vacation since they DID promise one late night after a few drinks at Newport Blues!!!!!

Happy Anniversary

February 9, 2002

John,

Since the day I met you I have been overwhelmed with the feelings you create in me. When you are near, I strive to be a person you will be proud of and when you are gone, I live to do the things I will want to share with you when you return. Never have I known a person that challenges and celebrates me in the same breath the way you do. As we begin our life together, I promise to remain the kind of person you have fallen in love with – the one that makes you love me always the way you do today.

I celebrate this new life we are beginning by promising to be the best wife I can be. By promising to love you till the end of time the way I love you today. I promise to trust you no matter what and I will always give you the faith that you can feel the same for me. I promise to stand beside you when it seems that nobody else will and I promise to turn to you when the world seems to have turned it’s back on me. As life’s challenges fall upon our path, I promise to hold your hand and figure them out – with you – side by side.

I promise to be faithful in mind and body and to live my life always with you. I promise to raise our children the way we think is best, and I promise to always make my life decisions based on what is right for us and our family. From today forward, we commit to a life together and I will honor that commitment in everything I do.

I promise never to walk in front of you because I know you may not follow. I promise never to walk behind you because I know you may not lead. Instead, I promise to always walk beside you as your wife, your lover and your best friend. For the rest of our days, I will be there for you as I have faith you will be for me.

Thank you for marrying me.

Graduation Day Pictures

John's Big Moment

Before she left, I managed to steal some pictures of the Graduation Ceremony off of Ginnie's camera. There are a few good ones of John Graduating ... but my favorite ones are, as always, outside of the ceremony. Since I was in Atlanta, I wrote to Katina and Polly that morning and begged for a picture of the guys with the kids. Polly managed to get one of John and Charlie but we're missing one with Matt. Next time, I guess. If they're up for it. (Can't be THAT hard...).

John, Charlie, and "The Kids!"

My Family

After the ceremony, John (my John, not "Grandad John") and Ginnie took the kids bowling on base. When I saw these pictures, I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. Justin is so good at so many sports that involve brute strength and using your body to move the other guy out of the way. He's growing very fast and things that take total body coordination still seem to elude him. Annalise, on the other hand, would (I think) have a hard time holding her own in the situations that Justin excels in. Her strengths lie in grace, coordiation and flexibility. These pictures took me completely by surprise because they are of my kids outside of the elements I am comfortable seeing them in. It goes to show that Moms don't always know best and that it's important to try new things! Justin looks amazingly coordinated, stylish, and graceful. Annalise is taking on more of a dogged determination and bullish stance that says, "I do not know what the heck I am doing but I swear I will figure it out and kick it from here to next Sunday..."

Justin's got this down!

Annalise will take it down if it's the last thing she does!

Happy Graduation!

John graduated with his Masters in National Security and Strategic Studies today. Not only did he manage to get through it - but he did it with Distinction. As if that wasn't enough, he was nominated for Honor Grad (he received first runner up on that one)!

I don't have any good stories from the ceremony because I was in Atlanta for the week, but it sounds like it was a good family event. John says that both of our kids were absolutely perfect and that he heard our little buddy Zane yell "John!" when he went up the stairs (which he liked just a little bit). Gran says that when they announced John's name for Honor Grad runner up, Annalise and Justin heard it, looked at each other, and said, "Daddy!" They were very surprised and very proud. Hopefully I'll get more details and pictures this weekend so that I can share them with everyone. For now, here is an article written by the War College: http://www.usnwc.edu/About/News-And-Events/February-2010/NWC-Graduates-CNCS-Students.aspx.