One More Day

John is excited about his new clothes!

At the Chula Vista BMX Track

Suiting up for practice!!!!

Dinner at Bento and Noodles after practice

Eating ice cream at the fireplace

Dropping John off at the airport

At the gate right before we left John

I often find myself wishing for "just one more day" because, if it's a good day, I'll wish for a repeat, and if it's a bad day I am most obviously going to wish for a do-over. When I look back on this particular day though, I don't know yet if I would want to experience it again. I think maybe I will just let this one be...

Our last day with John was a blissfully normal day. We took the kids to school, John went to work, and I puttered around the house. We were lucky enough to have two of the VonBergens in town for a race so we spent some of the afternoon at the track watching Zachary practice. We ended the day with a trip to Bento for a sushi dinner where Randy and Jennifer promised they would take care of us while John's gone. I am comforted because I have faith that they will. When the sun went down, we walked next door for some ice cream from Cold Stone to enjoy at the fireplace where we've spent many evenings as a family. The biggest event of the day was that Justin got to wear pads to football practice for the first time and John was here to see it. We all did a very good job of being casual and normal while always knowing in the back of our minds that each second mattered. We hated to look at our watches and that's always hard on the soul.

John left on Saturday morning and I had a hard time at the airport. I had been as brave as I could be but when I saw his sea bag, I turned into a blubbering mess. The poor United attendant took one look at me sobbing and said, "Oh don't worry honey! We'll get you a gate pass!" God Bless him. We went through security with John and the normal routine of putting a family of four through the metal detectors got me righted again. John went for breakfast and he got me coffee so I felt myself slowly regain control of the little things. Eventually I felt brave enough to go home without him. When it was time, I got up and walked away from him, with a kid holding each of my hands, and I never looked back to see if he was doing OK. I know he was sad but I also know he's strong and brave and, most of all, that he trusts me with all he has. I don't know what was in his heart right then but I know I would crumble if I had to stand there and watch the kids walk away. He is, most certainly, a hero to me.

The rest of Saturday was a blur. I left the airport, dropped Justin at the football field, coached a soccer game, took photos of the football game, and finally brought the kids home to rest. I have been given many things in my life and my friends are a gift I treasured more than ever that day. Old friends called or texted to let me know that I was in their thoughts and my new friends were here in person to help me through it all. I got a good, strong "Navy Mom Hug" from a friend at the soccer field which gave me strength to get through the game. My Football Mom friend gave me bright yellow flowers which made me smile whenever I would walk into the kitchen. My Neighbor Mom friend gave me a smiley face bottle of wine and some kisses from her baby to bring back the joy. My family, both mine and John's, was there every step of the way to help us through the day. Thank you all, each and every one of you.

Justin and Annalise seem to grasp at odd times what is going on. Like me, I'm sure they are caught by surprise from time to time when they realize that John has a much longer commute than normal when the whistle finally blows. Justin heard me say "thirteen months" one day this week and he said, "Mom. Did you know that thirteen months is longer than a year?" Annalise tells people out of the blue that her Daddy is at work, in the desert, or in Qatar and she's very happy when they acknowledge her. They listen to him sing his song on the digital frame each night and they often draw pictures for each other showing Dad in some version of playing a game with them. They are behaving in school, both are being being strong and brave, and they have all of my respect for being so willing to stand with John and I in this choice we have made to live a military life. I know they are proud and I am just as proud of them.

As I look back, I don't think I want to repeat or redo the past few days because they were honestly too hard on me. I am thankful for them though because it brings perspective back to me and reminds me that, even if things don't always seem perfect, I have more love and joy in my home than I ever thought possible.