Denial

I've spent the last several weeks feeling a strange mix of anger and sadness, which are two emotions I don't generally waste any energy on. It's been confusing for me and I have had a hard time sitting down to write about the start of school for the kids, our return "home," football, or any of the other joys we have been experiencing recently. Quite simply, I was a little bit embarrassed by the thoughts/emotions I was having and I didn't want to share them with anybody. John asked me one day if I was ever going to update my blog and I promptly bit his head off (as any good wife would do when her husband asks if she's doing OK). I told him, "I'm having a hard time and I don't want the world to know it!" He answered, "Isn't that kind of the point of writing the way you do?" This made me mad for a few days but, as usual, I realized that he knows me very well. And that he was right.

Why though? I could not figure out what was making me so miserable!

I finally have an answer for you. It became clear to me tonight as I was reading a book called "Surviving Deployment," which was written by a Marine wife. I was suddenly provided with a great sense of comfort when chapter three told me that I'm completely normal! The author described in detail all of the feelings I have been having and and she wrapped them all up in a nice, neat bow called "Deployment Stage 1." This stage is characterized by, you guessed it, anger and denial. Let me tell you, I've spent so much angry energy recently that it's ridiculous! (The upside is that I've been running farther and faster than I have ever run before).

So I guess if you're reading this, you're going to go on a journey with me. I had planned on doing a big "Catch Up" note claiming that I've been busy, but that's simply not the truth. I've been avoiding reality. This blog is supposed to be about my kids growing up, but I suspect it will become more about me as this deployment comes and goes. It will be a crazy year but we're going to get through it with style, comedy, drama and plenty of stories ... so stay tuned! Over the next couple of days I'll finally get around to sharing all of the wonderful things that have happened to us recently and you can see how my sweet little San Diego kids are faring.

Thanks to all of you who have been wondering where I've been and I promise I'll get the pictures and stories rolling again!!!!

Lots of Love,

~Lisa