Nine Years Later...

Photography by Erin Kelly

I still remember so vividly the day you first told me you that you were mine. You came flying up my stairs, you locked me away from the ears all around us, and you told me you had read my note. I remember being so scared when I saw you because I knew I had put it all on the line and all I could do was hope that you felt the same. My heart was pounding, and I certainly don't recall what you said, but I remember your smile and I knew what that smile meant.

That was such an amazing summer! I went running the other day and I treated myself with a visit to a world that existed nine years ago. I ran by the beach where I tried to play a game of wiffle ball, by the pier where you announced that having a girlfriend meant losing your favorite T-Shirt, up the crowded street where we were young and dumb with our friends every night of the week, and eventually past that corner where I remember realizing that I was driving a U-Haul away from my old life forever. Even then, I would have followed you anywhere...

It's been nine years of love and laughter for me and I don't think that any other girl has ever been so lucky. I often wonder what I did to be given a man like you to share my life with and I pray that this happiness will never fade. I can't help but smile at the things that have changed for us over the years. Today, I miss you because I know you would still bring me a coffee on your way home, just because it makes me happy, but more importantly that you would smile that smile of yours when I start yelling about what that coffee cost. I laugh because I know you would be irritated with all the lights I leave on at night but that you would simply sigh and turn them off for me anyway. I miss you so much because, even though you're the sensible one, you remind me every day to quit taking things too seriously. I miss how you let me dump the troubles of the world on you and how you manage to solve my life problems with a raised eyebrow, a smile, or a hug. Nine years ago, the things that trouble me today didn't matter to us yet, but you still had that way of letting me know, just by being you, that life was going to turn out OK.

Thank you, my love, for being mine...for caring about me the way you do, for being the rock our family depends on, for being our calm in any storm, for always packing way too many supplies no matter how short the trip might be, and for patiently reminding me daily during this time of separation that you will never stop showing me just how much you care. You're my love and I know that life is what it is simply because you are mine.

Lake Tahoe 2010

The Angel and The Traitor

(Skier and Snowboarder)

Justin mastering "The Shred"

"Loserville Lisa" - Is it really so hard to let me know that I look like this? Anyone???

My baby's first ski goes on!

This Colorado Girl is a Happy Girl today!!!

The future Picabo Street!

Look at the form and the confidence as she takes the cones...

Bloody Marys with Nana and Papa

Papa digging us out of the blizzard armed with nothing more than a kitchen broom and a pair of pink boots. You gotta give it to the man - he got it done!

We were treated to a week of skiing in Lake Tahoe this year. We drove up from San Diego on Christmas Day and the Dolbys enjoyed three great days on the mountain! The first day went to pot very quickly for me after trying to get the kids settled with their gear, enrolled in their classes, and then fighting through the crowds to get my own lift ticket and skis rented. I threw in the towel when I realized I was going to have to pay for a full day lift ticket and spend about an hour and a half on the mountain. Bummer...but time for Bloody Marys!

The one day I spent on skis was fantastic! The snow was beautiful, the crowds were under control, and I felt like I had the mountain all to myself. I spent my first few runs warming up and I immediately missed my boots that I forgot to pack. My feet would not connect with the skis at all but I (heroically) got past that. I picked one run and I spent the rest of my day skiing it over and over again because I've always wanted to do that. It was long, it had lots of bumps, and I loved every single minute of it! I usually don't do this, but since I was on my own, I used my headphones and set my I-Pod to "shuffle" which was an incredible experience. I've always had a dumb habit of saying "Schwoomp" to myself (I learned it when I was a teenager and it's from that stupid movie where the bank robbers parachute out of planes) when I hit a hard bump but I found the music to be much more enjoyable.

Thankfully, I ended the day on a high note given what was in store for me...

We enjoyed dinner while the blizzard hit, we got stuck in the village, and we endured an hour long bus ride and a particularly scary ride over the pass in order to make it back to our condo where we lost power somewhere in the night. By the time we were up the next morning, it was time to face a gorgeous day on the slopes with even more fresh snow! It would have been perfect, except I had promised my son I would snowboard with him that day. Oh the things a mother will do for her child...

We got our boards, we got our helmets, and we climbed in the Gondola. When we reached the top Justin gave me a crash course lesson on how snowboard before he asked me in all seriousness, "You're not going to die up here, are you?" Punk. I know how to do the stupid sport I just don't like it...

We made it down the first part of the run. I was feeling very shaky with that dumb board strapped to my feet and my pride on the line. The "steep" part thankfully brought us to the flat section of the (bunny) hill. I managed to stay on my feet and drag myself gracelessly past Justin. Wouldn't you know it, instead of feeling pride for my accomplishment, he got mad!?!? He said, "Mom!!! How are you going so fast?" He never said a word, but it clearly became his goal to beat me down the run the next time. This, of course, made me decide that I wanted nothing more than to beat him and remind him who is boss!

The next few runs were fine and I felt confident in my skills because I had to slow down a little so that I could stay just enough in front of him to make a statement yet not make him mad. We got on the Gondola again (skipping lunch because we are both stubborn) and we got back to the top of the run. Justin says to me, "Mom - You're goin' DOWN!" and he takes off down the run...hell bent for leather. I obviously retaliated by trying to go past him, but I couldn't catch up! This made me even more irritated and I pushed the limit of my bunny hill skills to realize my top speed of about 3 miles per hour. I got to a hill where I knew I could build some speed and I went all out! I crashed. Admission: I initially wore the stupid helmet to serve as a lesson to him that safety always comes first, knowing full well that I would never need the thing, but I saw stars on that crash and I suspect I would have been hating life had it not been on my head!

I looked up to make sure he didn't see it...and there he was...staring at me with panic and concern. My sweet traitor of a child was honestly worried about me! He yelled over, "Mom!?! Are you OK?" I laughed and said, "Of course I am!" He checked again and to my embarrassment we were the talk of the bunny slope for a full minute. When he finally believed I was all right, he said, "Cool - I'll see you at the bottom and I'll turn left instead of right this time." I had to race hard to get down at the same time he did but, wouldn't you know it, he beat me!

We called a silent truce, went to get hot chocolate, and we enjoyed the success of our day with a hard earned pizza. I was all smiles until he toasted me and said, "Here's to you Mom for even making it down the hill after that totally gnarly wipeout!" Punk. It's ON!!!

Thankfully...

...my sweet baby girl was much better behaved this trip. She took ski lessons and she loved them! She was skiing under hoops, mastering the magic carpet, braving the Gondola, hanging out with friends, keeping her skis together and her hands on her knees, and she simply looked like a pro! Tears were in my eyes when I saw her confidently rolling around on her skis. At least I have one honest child in this family who will stay true to the one sport that matters in this world! Yes, I look at her through "Mama's Eyes," but honestly, she was awesome!!!

Bluette

Justin and Bluette

Justin had a fish several years ago. He was a Beta and his name was Blue. Justin got Blue on his second birthday because we had a Finding Nemo party for him where everyone went home with a fish. Blue survived a few months and then met with an untimely death when Justin (then 3) dumped the whole can of food in the fishbowl. John tried to rescue him but the fast transfer to freezing cold water might have been too much for the little guy.

Earlier this month, Justin gathered up his money and he decided to go to Petco and get a fish to bring home. I gave him a budget to work with and he went to the store with Nana (who was under strict instructions not to supplement the shortfall in his budget if there was one!). He came home with a receipt showing that he had followed the rules and successfully purchased a fish, a tank, fish food, decorations, a net, and chlorine treatment for the water.

Justin took excellent care of his new pet and I was very proud of him! I am always nervous when it's time to change the water in the tank because there are a million things that can go wrong. Justin did that job all by himself the first time under the watchful eye of Gran and Grandad so I decided to stay out of his way when he did it again. Unfortunately, the second time proved fateful. I'm not sure what happened because the fish survived the transfer, the cleaning, several hours in a glass, and the return to the tank. We don't have a cat, and I don't think Jasmine bothered her, but I wonder if a child tried to "rescue" the fish from some non existent drama at some point because when I looked at her a few days later, her fin was missing. Anyway, we laid "Bluette" to rest in our back yard on December 23rd, 2010.

Justin performed the ceremonies and said a few loving words for his dear, departed fish. He says he's not ready to get another fish just yet because he doesn't want to risk another animal's life. That child has a heart of gold! I've assured him that he is a responsible pet owner and encouraged him to try again. I am hopeful that another fish joins our family sometime soon.

The Horah

Clowning Around - Before the show

(Blue and White shirts for The Horah; Yellow for Kwanza)

Dancing the Horah

Front & Center!

Justin spent the past few weeks talking about "a dance" that he was learning at school but I never really focused on what he was telling me. I assumed that it was something that they were doing in gym class and I had a flashback to his second grade experience where he had to learn how to Do-Si-Do. He was not a fan...

After weeks of talking about it, as he was getting ready for school on the morning of the 15th, he reminded me that he needed a blue shirt to wear to the performance. I, of course, got irritated because I didn't know ahead of time and I had a serious "Mom Talk" with him about being responsible and planning ahead. He listened to the whole tirade, got a happy little smile on his face, and he calmly said to me, "Mom? Do you remember the yellow piece of paper that Ms. Hansen sent home?" Crow tastes better warm...

Justin danced The Horah with his third grade buddies and when they were done, they watched the other third graders perform a dance in celebration of Kwanza. Both dances were amazing and I watched (of course) with tears in my eyes along with the other sappy moms that I have recently gotten to know. The part I will always remember the most is that when the dance ended, they had to rush as a group to the front of the stage. Justin did his signature "knee slide" and purposely beat the other kids to the center so that he would be sitting right in front of the microphone. Always the ham...

Coach Lisa

Soccer Season has come and gone. I've turned in my clipboard and I most certainly miss my Pixies! The season was a challenge for me, but then again, I guess that you never fully realize at the time that you have been given a gift while in the midst of something difficult.

Coaching for me was a challenge that I knowingly accepted. I knew it would be hard but I hoped that it would be rewarding. I volunteered at about the time we arrived here in San Diego, when I thought Justin would not play football for the season, and when I was looking for an activity to help me ease into deployment life. The season for me was spent learning how to manage my time, the expectations of parents, the tender hearts of little girls, learning a sport I had never played, and finding the courage to stand strong against veteran coaches. It's tough out there trying to do your best and knowing that there are 30 sets of eyes staring you down and always assuming that they could do better!

My team was made of 5 amazing girls. Jessie was my competitive spirit who did not like to give up the chance, at any time, to score a goal. Whenever she was out on the field, I could relax knowing that we would score sometime within the next few seconds. Marissa was my little lady who amazed me with her smile, charm, and SKILLS! She could "trap and turn" better than any other 4 year old I saw out there. Lily was a gift to my team because she was a constant. She never complained and she never asked "why" ... she just attacked the ball, did her best, and kept her team strong. I know that she will change the world someday with the competive compassion that I saw in her every time she played. Keila touched my heart more than I ever could have imagined. She started the season telling me that she didn't want to play soccer. She wasn't interested in being on the field very much when we played our first couple of games, but somewhere along the line she most certainly got the bug! Her biggest concern by the end was that she didn't get to play all four quarters of the game. From then on, she spent her time on the field listening to whatever I had to say and trying anything I asked her to. This change of heart was my biggest reward of the season and I will never forget having had the opportunity to introduce her to what may become a lifelong activity. Finally, there was my sweet little "Angelface!" (Rest assured that "Sassypants" was also on the team a fair amount of the time). Honestly, Annalise was a dream to have as the Coach's Kid. She took the backseat to her teammates whenever I needed her to and she realized that she set the tone for everyone else. She tried hard to show up with a positive attitude and she did not complain when someone else had my attention. I loved having her by my side to support me in this very challenging role. As a soccer player, she sure is fast!!! She spent most of her time either defending the goal or sprinting down the field with the rest of the girls several steps behind her. She's going to be an amazing athlete when she grows up!

Yes, it was hard, but this experience was a gift in many ways. I learned about being a role model to 5 year old girls, about the importance of imagination, about accepting the facts when you need help, and most certainly about the importance of trying my hardest even when it seems like I just can't do it! Guess what? I can.

5 Year Old Girl

She is always ready to make us laugh

Lovin' on Daddy - even from across the world!

Her birthday shirt - and her beautiful smile

Nobody can turn down presents!

Me and my girl - Birthday Brunch at the Broken Yolk

My sweet baby girl is five...

Today we got to spend the day together, just the two of us, and I realized how fast she's growing up. As she reaches for her independence, she continues to show the same amazing traits that I've seen in her since the day she was born. She is a beautiful girl with the grace that few others can match. When she dances, her legs look so strong and her toes point so beautifully at the end. When she plays soccer, she can run faster than anyone else on the field. She does not allow herself to be less than perfect and when she sees an opportunity to grow, she will challenge herself. She is an artist and nothing seems to stifle her creativity. She still does not seem to embrace any threats to her physical safety. If something strikes fear in her, she will often choose a different activity. The broken down tricycle remains the preferred method of transportation even though her shiny pink two wheeler is parked next to it. She is the life of the party and she often works to remind us that she is now, and intends to remain, the center of attention.

While she is bold and fearless in many things, she has a timid heart that makes mine melt. We were at the bookstore today, which is one of her favorite places to be, and she lost sight of me for a moment. She did not cry or complain, but she quickly found me and held on to my hand tighter than I recall her doing for quite some time now. She asked me, "Where were you, Mommy?" I assured her that I was watching her the whole time and that I will never let anything happen to her. She gave me the sweetest little kiss on the cheek and asked for lunch to let me know that she had moved past the doubt.

We shared a brownie at a table outside of the bookstore and we enjoyed a quiet afternoon together. She was dressed in her Ariel costume and she certainly enjoyed it when the other grandparents in the store stopped to tell her how beautiful she is. She asked to go to Build-A-Bear and I obliged. She knew that we would not be buying anything but she enjoyed picking out accessories and outfits for quite a while and begrudgingly declined the basket that someone offered her because she knew that none of the treasures were going to leave the store.

My little girl is growing up and that's equally amazing to my mind and hard on my heart. I pray for her to keep her character and confidence while she explores the world and continues to grow even faster than she does today. I pray to keep the easy love I share with her so that she knows that while friends become increasingly important, I am still here to love and guide her along the way. I pray for her to find a way to nurture her gifts because she has so many of them and I have faith that the years will bring joy to her life while adding pride to mine.

I love you sweet girl...

Panther Pride

Is there any debate that Justin MIGHT be excited about finally playing football? After he left practice on Friday night, he rode home dressed head to toe in his football gear. Since he got to ride in the front seat, he claims he wore his shoulder pads for "extra safety" and that if Dad were driving, he would have been wearing his helmet too! We came home and made dinner, which was eaten while wearing shoulder pads, and then he put his helmet back on to watch TV. He eventually got out of his gear, folded it neatly in a pile near his bag, and then headed upstairs for bed.

It's been very hard to watch Justin sit out this season due to the broken arm but I know that he's learned so much more about sports and life through the process than he ever could have by doing drills. With that said, he gets to play next weekend and I am over the moon about it because, after all of this bench sitting and "water boy" duty, it's certainly time! He has been very patient and I do not remember a single complaint about having to sit on the sideline that went beyond, "It's a bummer...I can't wait to PLAY!" My appreciation goes out to his coaches who have welcomed him, taught him from the sidelines, chatted with him about his Dad, and helped him understand that he's a valuable part of the team even while he can't play.