The Surprise Party

Annalise works hard to decorate the "Welcome Home" cake.

The Guest of Honor - DADDY!!!!

Annalise in her party dress.

This is my favorite picture of the weekend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel like I have experience to draw from when it comes to getting kids ready for a deployment. This thing we're doing now (which I now like to call an extended business trip) is a new experience for me. If it was a deployment, I'd know that it's important to do things like make a calendar for the kids, plan a halfway party, set my own emotions to "full defense" mode and hunker down for the long haul. This time I'm pulling from a whole different bag of tricks and I have to admit that I'm suddenly swimming in a hybrid of emotions that I think I do but don't really understand. I suspect my kids feel something similar.

Shortly after John got to Florida, when I had prepared myself for him to be gone for 4 full months, he called to see if the weekend of March 26th would be a good weekend for him to visit. (Is that a trick question? Um, yes!). We booked the tickets and I told the kids Dad was coming to visit. I would often hear them in the backseat of the car (which was recently named "Big Ben" for your reference - "Paul Bunyan" was a strong second runner up) debating over how many ballet classes Annalise had until Dad came home. Hearing that, I decided to finally make the calendar that I had been meaning to make and the countdown began. Justin seems to grasp the concept of time as well as the idea that his Dad is gone because he has to be. Annalise is not there yet. She wonders when life will return to normal and when the Navy will finally let Dad come home. This is all slightly more difficult for her given that she's trying to understand when/why we're leaving Portsmouth and where John fits into that process. She clearly does not remember San Diego and she associates life with New England. This has to be hard on her...

I was so excited to see the way Annalise planned and planned for John to come home. She's been watching Max and Ruby on TV (the show with the bossy big sister that Justin hates). At one point, she watched with wide eyes as Ruby planned a surprise party and she told me that she wanted to host one for her Daddy. There were decorations to deal with, a cake to be made, a house to be cleaned, and guests to invite. The most imortant detail of all was the dress she would wear! She was determined until the last minute that her entire class would attend (Brynn, Gwen, Gabbie) as well as Leah and Regan. She was irritated with me when I told her it would be a family party but she adapted and gave us all instructions. John was to wait in the car while she ran upstairs to change into her dress and then we would all hide behind the counter while he walked upstairs. We obliged and John was thoroughly "shocked" when we all jumped out and yelled "Surprise!" at him once he reached the top of the stairs.

The party went well and the weekend was blissfully normal for me. We took Mark to dinner with our family at Jackie's Galaxy, Justin played with Bayley, we all went to ballet together, and John took the kids to the park while I went for a pedicure. John and I argued the way married couples do and I feel happy that even though things are off kilter for our family, we have the ability to hash it all out and fix what is wrong. I'm very happy with the fact that everyone can fall into routine so easily and it makes me know we are a strong family. (Important to note - the argument was small. It was over a remote control.)

Biker Girl

I know I'm completely biased, but you simply cannot deny that this is one of the cutest things under the sun!!! Although my little girl can debate, dance, and sing her little heart out, she rarely embraces any activity that presents any significant risk to her personal safety. Given this fact, she's been riding her tricycle around with the big kids and, sadly, she's been left in the dust. I finally convinced her to try her "Big Girl Bike" by promising that if she could learn to ride it, she would be much faster than the other kids. She was very scared, but she pulled it together and she wheeled her bike right out there and hopped on without looking back! I put her helmet on her head and Justin dug out all of his knee and elbow pads for her. He even tried to convince her to wear gloves, "just in case". She blew him off and said she was ready to go. I held on to her by the seat of her bike for one lap but soon she blew me off and went for it all on her own.

For the record, Annalise is very concerned with fashion and she was not pleased at all with this outfit. Our first hurdle was the shoes. She wanted to wear her sparkle sandals and when I presented sneakers, she told me with great passion "I look like a dork!" I won the argument in the name of safety but she was not pleased in the least. Next was the helmet. Simply not cool.

As you can see, she's not very speedy yet, but she's on her way! Later in the afternoon, she pulled the streamers off the handlebars after she decided they were "a little bit baby." Justin rode his bike with her for a while before getting bored but he did tell her how well she did when she came inside. She beamed with pride and said she'd try again soon. I hope for her sake that she does, but the Mommy in me really wants her to bag it and crawl in my lap for a couple more years.

St. Patty's Day

Justin and his new buddies, Aiden and Danny, enjoying green St. Patty's Day floats. Aunt Emmie's recipe is now tradition for us.

Samantha, Justin, Emily, Aiden and Annalise heading out for the parade.

Uncle Bryan with my Trash Bag Kids!

Annalise, Samantha and Emily taking stock of "The Loot!"

I'll tell you what...if only I had a dollar for every time I've heard "Oh! The weather isn't usually like this in New England!"...

Bryan took us to a party in South Boston to celebrate St. Patty's Day with his whole extended Boston Family and the Dolbys had a great day being welcomed by all of them! There was a 5K in the morning that Bryan tried to talk me into running, and I am extremely thankful that we were too lazy to sign up because the day started off with the arrival of a Noreaster! Driving from Portsmouth to Boston was unusually stressful as the wind blew the mighty Suburban from lane to lane and the windshield wipers worked overtime. We arrived in time to see everyone off to the starting line of the race and Bryan and I stayed warm and dry inside on "kid duty!" Let me tell you, this was the place to be.

After the race was over, the house filled up with people and I was welcomed by absolutely everyone in the crowd. There were two families who brought their kids so Justin and Annalise had plenty of friends (their own age!) to play with. I was amused as the day wore on because I noticed that a party with a bunch of boozy adults works pretty well! Halfway into the afternoon, Annalise had plenty of grown ups singing and dancing to the I-Pod with her and she was in heaven!

One of the things I had promised Justin before we got on the road was that we were going to see a parade where there would be Stormtroopers marching. Given the weather (it was raining buckets and the gale force winds didn't make it any better), none of the adults really wanted to go to the parade. I told Justin that the Stormtroopers had decided it was too wet to be in the parade. Unfortunately, he's getting too smart for his own good. He quizzed me on why they had made the decision, the mechanics of the Stormtrooper armor and what kind of weather proofing is in place, and he wanted to know how I found out the bad news so that he could confirm. I told him that Uncle Bryan had checked the internet and he looked at me suspiciously and said, "Sometimes things on the internet are not true." Eventually, one of the other Dads was caught up in guilt when his daughter asked if they had missed the parade. He took one for the team and took the kids to see the parade.

After patiently listening to a stern lecture about the safety issues of plastic bags over your head, Justin said, "I know Mom...it's not safe unless you're with me...can you please just cut the hole out of the neck and arms?" The kids got bundled up in a million layers, covered in garbage bags, and headed out to the parade. They came back half an hour later with smiles from ear to ear and bags full of "loot!" As any kid would do, they had fun in the rain and will most likely always remember the experience.

I had a fun day hanging out with two other Moms who also spend their time worrying about working, taking care of kids, the endless mound of dishes in the sink, parent conferences, the latest sale at Old Navy, and the elusive 5 pounds per kid that seem to live happily in our guts! We took a million pictures of our adorable children and bragged as much as we could because that's what you do when you have a willing audience. With John and Polly gone, I haven't found the opportunity to whine as much lately and these girls were endlessly patient with me. I couldn't ask for more!

A weekend in Naples

As it should be - My kids with their Daddy!!!!

The kids studying butterfly life cycles together not 30 minutes after screaming at each other (full volume, full hatred) in the car over the invisible "line" down the middle of the backseat.

Justin helping Annalise pump water so that she could water the plants at "Their House"

The kids playing "House" at the Children's Park.

Annalise and her Daddy at Doc's enjoying fried clams.

Justin and John playing at lunch on our way to the airport.

John and I leaving Cloyd's Restaurant. The menu included steak, lobster, and a delicious bottle of red. A very sweet, OLD man took the picture for us as he waited for his car.

Our weekend spent in Naples with Nana and Papa was, in one word, PERFECT!

It all began with some minor chaos at the airport. John was coming to get us, but he got stuck in traffic so Nana and Papa came to get us instead. When the kids saw them they took off running and yelling, "Nana!!! Papa!!!" for a full 30 yards before throwing themselves into a bear hug with whichever grandparent was closest. It was very touching and the rest of the grandparents waiting in the Fort Myers airport clearly began to dream of having a similar moment with their own grandchildren.

We drove to a restaurant to meet John and when he got there the kids buried him in hugs and kisses before he could even get in the door. I, smart as I am, completely blew him off. It was a strange feeling because I realized at the time that I was doing it, but I couldn't help it! I was in some kind of defensive mode where my heart was telling me that I didn't need him because he was gone and I couldn't overcome it. My husband has a gift for being able to read my moods - he gave me a hug and didn't get offended when I gave him a courtesy pat on the back, kiss on the cheek, and a very trite little "How are you?" It was odd because I knew he was there, but at the same time, I could feel that my heart wasn't ready to accept that he was really with us again. I've done deployments before and I did them successfully because I got my heart ready. This whole concept of having him close enough to visit is quite strange for me. John's patient persistence paid off and I eventually got over myself in time for us to spend a wonderful weekend together.

Friday started with John and Papa on the golf course. Nana and I took the kids to the Botanical Gardens and the kids played very happily in the children's park until about noon. The greatest part of this day was seeing Justin and Annalise transition from absolutely hating each other in the car (they were fighting over "the line" in the middle of the backseat that neither one could cross but both did), to loving the heck out of each other in the park. At one point, Annalise needed help getting water from the pump and did not allow one of the volunteers to help her. She said very boldly, "No - I need my brother to help me." Later, Justin was defending his castle in a wooden fort and yelled "Annalise! Batten down the hatches!" She answered that she couldn't do it because she was making a pie (with sand) and that she would do it in a moment. He said, "OK, I'll wait for you." ...and he did...

After a long morning at the Children's Park, some wonderful fried food at Doc's Beach House was in order before we headed back to Nana and Papa's place for a nap (Annalise and Mom) and some serious pool time (Justin and Dad). When I asked Justin later what his favorite part of the weekend was, he told me about how he and his Dad played wrestling games in the pool and how that was his favorite part.

Saturday was a perfect pool day! Disclaimer: It was "perfect" in the way that you could stay nice and warm only if you kept yourself completely immersed in the heated pool or by laying flat on the pool chair so that the sun could warm you while you hid below the range of the wind. We went down, braved the elements (Nana did this by layering herself Under Armour, three layers of shirts, and a jacket!), and came out of the day with minor sunburns and a great day of memories. I had fun playing "swim lessons" with Justin where he taught me how to swim. He was a great teacher and he always used phrases like, "Let's talk about what we learned in that exercise" or "How do you think you did with that practice lap?" His swim teacher would have been proud! He even taught me about the Dead Man's Float by explaining that someone has survived for 1 day and 6 hours without getting tired by using this technique. He asked me, "How many hours is one day and six hours?" When I answered correctly, he said, "Good Job! That's right! See how it can help you save energy?"

Nana took care of us the entire time by cooking, cleaning, babysitting, filling our wine glasses, and even bringing blankets to the patio so that we could read in the afternoons. John and I went to dinner one night at the restaurant down the street and we were able to spend a whole evening talking and catching up before we stumbled home after even more wine. I went for a run along Park Shore Drive, which is one of my most treasured places in the world to run. The kids wrestled and snuggled their Dad and he helped them to understand that he's still their Daddy no matter what. I have seen a peace come over them since we've been home and it makes me feel very good.

My mom was graceful in her selflessness this weekend. I didn't know when we arrived that she was facing some difficult times of her own and I didn't know until after we left how troubled she was the entire weekend. She never let a moment of stress show as she took care of us and supported us in our efforts to spend time together as a family of four. She brought food and snacks to us at the pool, stayed quietly out of the way, listened when we wanted her to, and spoiled the kids every moment she had. Before we left, she sent us on a walk on the beach and the four of us spent an hour being as happy as we could possibly be. I've often seen families that look irritatingly perfect and happy. My first reaction is to assume that they look that way only because they are hiding a secret, painful life before I resent them because they can pull off the facade. Normally, when I see one of these families, I'll feel jealous and quickly yell at my own grubby little children for being less than perfect and elbow my dear husband so that he knows he's not doing things the "right" (a.k.a. "my") way, because if he would, our family would be perfect too. Funny enough, we joined the club this weekend. We walked on the beach and the kids were perfect. The sun was shining and our outfits matched as John and I strolled in the sand behind our perfectly behaved children. We were as happy as four people can be for about an hour. Just as I suspected with those other "perfect" families, we were hiding a little bit of turmoil. We knew "Good-Bye" was coming and we were smart enough to treasure every last moment. It was a wonderful hour and a wonderful walk on the beach. We commented that it would have been nice to have had a camera but that it may have ruined the experience as we tried so hard for images to photograph.

When John dropped us off I could tell that the kids felt happy. They waved to their Dad at the airport, babbled about our trip to anyone who would listen, and told me that they couldn't wait until they could see their Dad again. They seemed to let go of the anger/resentment/fear that they had been holding on to and they returned to being happy and confident children overnight. Since we've been home, they've been incredible! I think they understand now that it's all going to be OK. We have a tough job of "balance" ahead of us as we work to help sell the house we are living in, look forward to moving "home", enjoy every minute of our time here, and remember every day that we are a very happy family no matter what geography says. I think we can do it...